Maybe This Christmas

Maybe this Christmas
I’ll buy a Ronco fallout shelter
And hide until the holocaust blows over.
Maybe this year I’ll give the turkey the day off
And tell the world to get stuffed instead.
This year perhaps the three wise men
Will bring us something more useful
Such as more buses, world peace
And a vaccine against unemployment.
Maybe this year I’ll give
The Wizard of Oz a miss.
Even the Emerald City loses its sparkle
After countless BBC screenings.
Anyway, Judy Garland said we’d all find happiness
In our back yard
And look what happened to her.
Maybe this Christmas I’ll tell Jesus
To call it a day
Even after the plink, plink, fizz
Of a hundred Alka Seltzers
I couldn’t stomach his continual whining
About how the world’s forgotten him.
I mean we’ve all got our crosses to bear
Haven’t we?

Back to Poems menu